Like a murmur in the wind
by Maethril2
Summary: The memories were all there was left.


**N/A:** Some time ago, I read somewhere that the coat Rogue wears in the flash-forward on the last episode of X-Men Evolution might actually be Gambit's. It got me wondering where he was since he doesn't show up in this future, except in that group shot, which seems to take place soon after the last events. So I thought about writing something to explore this angle but didn't know how to do it. I didn't want it to be long and complicated, so I had this idea after watching Violet Evergarden. I purposely left some gaps to the imagination. Hope you like it!

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 **xXxXx**

She knew what she was doing was dumb. It was naïve of her to keep on waiting. Still, she could not bring herself to just let it go, for she felt it was not denial or blind hope telling her it was not the end; it was instinct, like a sixth sense. However, it had been months. Sometimes she thought nobody else remembered but she. They asked themselves why she flew to the roof every night and there she waited around all alone.

That night was particularly cold. She tightened the coat firmly around her body. A coat clearly too large for her delicate silhouette and too long for her height – only one inch prevented it from touching the ground. She wore it to remember. She lifted its collar so it would cover her neck and chin. Mournfully she breathed in his intoxicating scent still impregnated in the cloth. It made his absence even the more painful.

Even though the cold was freezing her to the bones, she patiently kept on waiting. Her mind taking her somewhere in the past. She could vividly remember the day he had arrived at the mansion acting as if he owned the place; his gestures as sweeping as his tongue. But she could see through him. She knew his attitude was nothing more than a bravado, a character created to keep people away from whom he really was. She knew it well for she too had a character she played. They did not see it coming, but they grew closer as if impelled by something bigger than them. Their characters cancelled each other out.

They fought side by side so in time he was accepted as one of their own, after a few turbulent first weeks. To celebrate the new team, all members, old and new, gathered in front of the mansion. She would always roll her eyes at that memory. She had crossed her arms over her chest in a feeble attempt at rebellion, and still, in all his boldness, he had laid his arm on her shoulder as they stood still for that silly picture. And she had let him. Perhaps because nobody else had the guts to get close to her, much less touch her; or perhaps if she were honest with herself and scrutinized her feelings, it was because she knew what that gesture really meant.

From that moment on, being carried away was easy. They had so much in common, it all felt just natural. They quickly came close together as they felt their attraction for each other grow stronger. It was not too long until he made promises. Promises that he would always be by her side. And she believed every word, ignoring the voice in the back of her mind telling her she was being gullible. One day, he indeed disappeared. However, not the way she had imagined, which hurt even deeper.

Back to the present, she closed her eyes tightly trying to prevent tears from falling down. She floated back to her bedroom through the window, hoping her memories would be pushed away; however, they continued to haunt her mercilessly. It seemed the pain would never diminish.

She could remember every detail imaginable. The damn mission they had gone on together. The trap they had fallen right into.

As everything was literally falling apart over their heads, she saw his lips mouthing the words, which for so long she refused to accept she understood. _I love you._ The fact that she did not have the chance to say it back to him would never cease to torment her thoughts. But everything happened so fast.

She heard a creak in the ceiling about to tumble down as she looked up, bewildered. Then the world went dark. Forever had passed by before she was able to breathe again. Realizing she had only survived due to her newfound invulnerability, despair took over her senses and sentiments alike. Desperately she looked for him in the debris as tears began to blur her sight and her voice disappear in the hoarseness of her desperate screams. She took her gloves off; even if her hands bled, she would find him. As she went on, the rocks she moved grew bigger and bigger. Even though her own strength boggled her, she knew there was no time for that. All she could think of was finding him.

She never knew how long she poked around in the debris. All she had was a vague notion of someone coming from behind her and a voice, in the deep, telling her to stop that madness. She pushed them back, not minding who it was or if she could hurt them. She only stopped after being knocked out by a psychic hit.

She woke up in the infirmary hours later. For a fraction of a second, she deceived herself with the notion that all that happened was nothing but a bad dream. Unfortunately, it was not long until she accepted it was all true. Her body ached and she felt as if her head was about to explode.

"We looked for him" she heard a calm voice say. "We couldn't find him… we couldn't find anything."

So there was still hope, she said, not knowing whether only to herself or out loud. She went back to that place, three, four times in hopes of finding him. She pretended not to hear the voices telling her to forget, telling her to stop running and face the truth.

At some point, she gave up, exhausted. She had scanned every inch of that damn place, unsuccessfully. Desperate, with tears washing down her face and spasmodic sobbing, she convinced herself there was nothing left to do. Thus, her nocturne ritual set off, when small hours she waited around on the roof – the place where they had spent most of their time together.

 _He couldn't have just vanished_ , she repeated to herself as she sat on her bed, tired after her waiting in vain again. She was the only one who believed that there should be a reason to his disappearing; she would never believe he was dead unless she saw his body with her own eyes. Out of pure stubbornness, she refused to contemplate that that could have been his chance of leaving without a trace, that he had his triumphant exit in a heroic act that nobody thought him possible, not even himself. She was the only one who saw beyond it, therefore she denied the possibility. He would not deliberately leave after all they had been through.

 _Stubborn girl_ , she could hear him say in her ear; his hoarse voice as real as it could get. It felt as if she had gone through the stages of loss but stagnated before acceptance.

She felt her eyes fly close and her head felt light, realizing how futile her fighting against sleep was. In lethargic movements, she undressed herself off the coat, her face contorted, as if there was pain in doing so. Although her body was weary, she still could not find the strength to lie down. She remained sat, her shoulders shrunk, her eyes staring at the door. As in an epiphany, she realized it was not the door she should be staring at.

She heard her name, and turned back to the window. A smile formed on her lips.

 **xXxXx**


End file.
